I remember when I was younger, my mother used to say that Monday was a day she could never get herself together. She said it just seemed like she was moving slowly, no energy, no "get up and go." She would laugh and I always wondered how she could just pick a day of the week she didn't like. It was true though. She seldom cooked on that day, and later that became her day off work. Many times, she might start dish water, but never wash the dishes. She might even take something out to cook, and then my dad would have to go pick up something from a restaurant later. I later recognized this phenomenon as feeling as though you SHOULD be doing something, but lacking the ability or convictions to actually DO it.
I get it now, though. I had been saying to myself for over a year: "What is it about Wednesdays that I dislike so much?" Honestly, without even consciously acknowledging the day, I hated getting up for work, and dragged most of the day. It's the day of the week I prefer not to cook, and I swear I'm more sleepy that other days.
I had to think deeply about it, and with me, there really is no thinking that is too deep that does not turn into me asking God the questions that I have no answers to.
Here's what I heard: It's because it's the middle! NOBODY likes the middle of anything. It's one of the most uncomfortable places you can be. The middle child feels neglected. The middle seat on an airplane or bus makes for the worst flight you might ever take. When you're in middle phase of your hair growing back after a cut, you almost want to scalp yourself! There never seems to be enough space, or growth-in the MIDDLE.
Wednesdays are the same way. It lacks the fresh promise of a new week, and it's no where near close enough to the week's end. It's a frustrating, tiring, lackluster place to be. I had no idea that God would use this to illustrate a deeper issue I was suffering from.
In 1 Kings 18:21, Elijah asks the prophets and people of Israel a key question: How long will you halt, stop, make your home between two opinions? It is said that some Israelites worshiped the True God, while others worshiped only Baal. Still others worshiped both; possibly trying to please both the prophets and Jezebel. They would rather cower in the uncomfortable middle, than stand on a choice.
We are all this way at some point. We procrastinate. We are indecisive. We allow fear to make us live in a place we would never willingly choose. If you are like me, maybe you think all things must be perfect and without risk before you engage. I won't allow myself to be embarrassed. I most certainly refuse to fail. I like life to be calculated with a set of outcomes that I can live with, or better yet, control. But being in an undecided, wavering, fear-controlled, lukewarm place is worse than taking an incalculable leap. It leaves you feeling empty, unaccomplished, and like the Israelites, uncovered. James 1:6-8 gives us a warning: a person who doubts is double-minded and unstable. He should not expect to receive anything from God. That is a scary place; especially when He is provider and source of all that we could ever need. The truth of the matter is that when we do not make a decision, we have already made a decision. It turns out that not deciding is counter-productive to the reason we are scared to pick a side. We think there is safety in the middle, when really, it is the least guarded shelter we could ever choose.
Maybe your prayer, like mine, will be for God to rescue us from the "middle place." The place where indecision and procrastination has stopped us from reaching full potential in Christ. The place where we stop short of our dreams and God's will for our lives. A place of wilderness wandering that profits us nothing but frustration and a set of constant start overs. The space where total Faith in God would plant us safely where we should have been all along.
God, we don't want to continue to limp helplessly between what you have for us and a pseudo-safe place. We're ready! Get Us Outta Wednesday!